omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think people are normalizing furries
that is very illegal...i love you.
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