i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
