I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
