it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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