I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Girls should come with a carfax report
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
