Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
