They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
