last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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