Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
