It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Panties = found
Randomize
