The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
