I hate your face
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
