Buhtt sex?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
