I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
50% drunk capacity currently
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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