He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
