Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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