I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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