this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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