legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
