apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
