I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
