dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
