Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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