is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
