I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
