when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You need Xanax blowdarts
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
