I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
