I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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