Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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