I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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