It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
