You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i've created a new STD.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
