I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
