hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
