the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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