All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
