who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
