I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
