mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
