The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
