ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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