I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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