dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
