so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
