You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
