sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
