I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
