Me. At least after what I've been through.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
