Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
