I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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