two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
