I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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