You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
