i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
