please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
