Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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